A Taste of Eds to Come
by Moskevyu
Summary: Edd finds a link to the future in a relic from the past. Sixth chapter now up.
1. Chapter 1

With exception to various OCs; Ed, Edd n' Eddy are property of Aka Cartoon and Cartoon Network.

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part One**

"What are these doing out?" Edd examined the box of Christmas ornaments sitting near the door to the garage.

"Those are the Christmas ornaments I'm donating to the Women's Center Rummage Sale," his Mother said. "We haven't used them in years."

"Oh." Edd poked his hand into one of the ornament cartons and extracted a perfectly faceted blue glass bulb. "It's such a shame to get rid of these."

"We have enough to trim the entire neighborhood. Besides, glass ornaments are dangerous."

Edd turned the faceted round blue sphere in his hands and tried to peer through it the way he remembered doing as a much younger child. "I suppose they are. I used to love these, though."

"Um-hmm. You gave me a scare every time you played with them. Honestly, I don't know why Mother insisted on giving them to us."

"Aren't they antiques?"

"They've been around. My parents used to decorate the tree with them when I was your age."

Edd kept playing with the ornament and marveled at the way it refracted light.

"I used to catch you with one of those every time I turned my back," Charlotte grinned. "Three-year-olds and glass are a bad mix."

"You're right. They're so neat, though."

Charlotte pulled a green glass bulb from the box and turned it in her fingers. "They are."

Edd sat down at the kitchen table and played with the ornament. It caught the light streaming in from the kitchen window and threw it into prism shapes on the walls around him. Something inside the bulb caught his eye. He couldn't tell if it was a piece of debris, or if it was cracked. Edd examined it more closely, and then, closer still.

"Daddy? Where should this one go?"

Edd kept peering into the ornament. Smells of spiced apple cider, holiday potpourri, a warm fire and fresh pine swirled through his nose.

"Daddy?"

"Eddward," a woman's voice musically teased. "Earth to Edd."

Edd looked up. "Huh?"

"Your daughter is asking you a question."

"Oh, my!" Edd discovered a seven-year-old girl with green eyes and flame-glow red hair holding up a Christmas ornament. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. What did you need?"

"I want to know where this one goes."

Edd peered at the Christmas tree. "That spot's a little bare. Try on the lower left."

The girl turned around and paused, puzzled. Then she moved toward the right side of the tree. An older girl, sitting next to Edd, giggled. "Your other left, Clee!"

"Oh! Right! Left!" Cleo bounced to the left side on the tree and positioned the ornament for Edd. "How is this?"

"It's great," the girl next to him, replied.

"I asked Daddy, Calida!"

"So-or-reee!"

Edd put a hand on Calida's shoulder, "Let's not bicker."

"It looks fine, Cleo."

A bright smile crossed Cleo's face before she skipped over to Edd. "Where are you putting that one?"

Edd looked at the ornament he was gazing at. "Someplace high. This is a special ornament."

"It's pretty." Cleo climbed into his lap and reached out to touch the bulb. Edd let her touch it without holding it. "Is it special because it's pretty?"

"No, it's old. It's one of the ornaments your grandmother and great grandmother decorated their trees with."

"Wow. Grandma's pretty old."

Edd and Calida chuckled, "Just don't say that around her!"

It took a moment to sink in, but Cleo giggled too. Edd wrapped an arm around her small shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

"Edd?"

Edd turned to see Megan standing behind the sofa with a fir garland. A small pair of arms circled her lower left thigh while shy green eyes peered out from behind it.

"Looks like you're having another velcro day."

"Uh-huh," Megan looked down and smiled. "Cassi has definitely mastered static cling."

Cassi buried her face into Megan's thigh. Edd and Megan shared and amused look while Calida and Cleo giggled.

"When you get through with the tree, can you help me with this? The step stool makes me a little nervous."

"Sure."

Edd pulled his eyes away from the ornament and blinked when he realized he looked around his kitchen again.

"Wow," he thought. "I married Megan. We have three beautiful daughters." He put his head in his hands and gazed dreamily off into space. "Calida, Cleo and Cassi... with Megan! Who'd have thought it?" Reality set back in. "No-no. Wait a minute. I must have low blood sugar. Surely, this is some kind of fantasy."

Edd picked an apple out of the refrigerator, scrubbed it, peeled the skin and sliced it into perfect wedges before returning to the table. He watched the ornament while eating his apple. "It was nice, though. I wonder if..? No. That stuff isn't real. Who marries his junior high sweetheart?"

The ornament glimmered at him from its position on the kitchen table. Edd couldn't keep himself from lifting it to his eye again.

Ed perched on his stool and stared, somewhat frustrated, at the sparse panels he sketched on his drawing table. "How do they get out of this?"

"What?" His nine-year-old son, Ed, peered at him over the back of the leather couch. Cartoons played on the big screen television behind him.

"Nothing. I was talking to myself."

"Oh." He resumed watching cartoons for a moment before turning back around. "Can I see?"

"Sure."

His son climbed over the back of the couch and leaned against Ed's table. His fingers traced along the features of the illustrated monsters and the two space heroes who battled them. Ed had them outnumbered by 10 to 1.

"This is a tough one."

"Any ideas?"

"Uh... Okay. No, wait." The boy walked around the room and paused a few times to collect his thoughts. Ed waited patiently.

"The Centrulian Torpha Soldiers are sensitive to light, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do Darrow or Ruazi have any photon grenades left?"

"Photon grenades... Yes. Lieutenant Darrow still has one."

"Okay," The younger Ed knelt behind the couch as if it was the same bunker Darrow and Ruazi used to shield themselves from the Centrulian attack force. "Darrow sees the advancing line. She reaches for her utility belt just as Captain Ruazi fires the last of his rounds. Things look hopeless, but she shows Ru the grenade. They adjust it for a full power blast and prime it..."

"They can't use it."

"Why not?"

"They're in the Chasm of Geroquai. If they use a full-strength blast, the walls will cave in."

"Oh." The younger Ed wandered a little a reconsidered their plight. "Are any of the Gorgon Planet's four suns over the chasm?"

"Yera is."

"Do those guys have anything big and shiny?"

"Ah..." Ed thought for a moment. "Bounce the sunlight through their dark armor and defeat them. Good job."

"No problem, Dad."

The scene with Ed melted away before Edd's eyes. His view changed to a talk show set. Eddy and Dana came into view conferring quickly while she adjusted her lavaliere microphone. A large neon sign suspended behind her read, 'Counter/Contra.' Two punks, a police officer, and a psychologist sat in chairs next to her. "We're back from the break in about a minute. You guys all set?"

"Yeah," one of the punks responded. "Does my labret look okay?"

"It's still there."

"Good. I worried about using cheaper glue."

The other punk looked at the psychologist. "How's my nose ring?"

"Quite believable."

"Right on."

Dana chuckled, "Good thing we don't have a live audience."

"Thirty seconds," announced a stage director.

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IT'S THE WAY?! GIVE US ALL OUR EQUAL PAY!"

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IT'S THE WAY?! GIVE US ALL OUR EQUAL PAY!"

Angry banners, signs, and flags fluttered in the air as a march of chanting feminist protesters filled the grounds outside the capitol building. Watchful police flanked them on either side as they demonstrated against the veto of Amendment 22B. Activist Sarah Duggan led the fight to get non-discriminatory workplace pay mandated for several years. Her frustration at this latest development was obvious. Chanting gave way to respectful murmurs as Sarah raised her megaphone to speak.

"It's a shame," she solemnly began. "That we have had to fight for right to take anything for granted. Throughout history, women had to stand up for equal education! We had to stand for the right to hold money! We had to fight for the right to vote! And the right to live a decent single life! It's irrational that women must tolerate being paid less for the same work! This latest veto is nothing more than government bending to corporate interests!"

Cheering and applause swelled.

"We are not asking for something frivolous. We are not driving this country out of business. We are not taking over the world! But we are not through. Today's veto is merely an obstacle. Once we succeed, and every single woman will have access to the fair and equal wages! Can't you see that it's the way? Give us all our equal pay!"

The protesters' chanting resumed as Sarah switched off her megaphone and rejoined the throng.

"You can stop rolling. I'm sure this is enough."

"You got it, Nazz." Natalie stopped recording and turned the camera off. "This chick's quite a firecracker, huh?"

"It was an interesting interview, I'll say that."

"So, how come a General Manager is out doing news stories, anyway?"

"Cam walked out on us this morning. We only have three reporters left."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was. If we lose any more, we'll have anchors doing this."

Jonny paused to look over the text on his screen and recompose his thoughts before leaning over his keyboard again. Next to him, a Bible lay open, along with a hymnal and copies of sermons. "Dr. Chemelka?"

Jonny looked up. A young teen boy stood in his doorway, holding a basketball. "Aren't we on for a game?"

"Oh, my. It's after four! I lost track of time!"

"I understand." The boy grinned.

"I'll be right out, okay?"

"You got it."

Once the boy left, Jonny pulled his sweater off and switched his phone over to voice mail. He produced Plank from under his desk and placed him on the chair in front of the computer. "Here's where I left off, buddy. Maybe you can add some things. See ya' later, Plank."

"Gastric juices surging prowess lead me to dine  
On the delicate souls of those who delve deeply  
In the vapor trails of my conscience."

Lights rose and flickered, candle-like, in Marie's bedroom eyes. She rolled her head languidly as a drumbeat surged and some notes plucked forth from a bass.

"Popcorn hailstones dance through thick green grass as I  
Lick my lips and wile away my fetters with a shake – oooh  
And a sigh - ahhh - falling backwards... Like a plum.  
A tender fruit, a sweeter wine, a dine on thine own making  
No simple feat, a greater leap across this cavern of mine  
As vines of you wrap and grow about my pillar of stone  
Leading both to my destruction and my fulfillment whole."

Marie leaned forward and swayed in the lights. Her audience basked in her hypnotic motions and rhythm.

"These forty days! These forty nights!  
Make my prophecy real!  
Mold my wishes with Hephaistos' steel  
This brief my time, my brandy fine  
My love is like an oyster.  
Play me down."

Marie collapsed backward into a cushion as the drums surged again. The air soon filled with snaps and clapping as Club Neuf's patrons swelled with pleasure at Marie's latest composition. Marie rose and performed a few encore pieces before leaving the stage to join her sister at a nearby table.

"Bravo." Lee sipped her beer nonchalantly.

"Merci, Madam. Merci."

"I heard from Rourk, today."

"Yeah?" Marie's eyes lit up.

"Paraphrased; he wants another rewrite. You're too raw."

"Figures..." Marie rolled her eyes. "Philistine."

"Such is the daily battle of a Neo-Post-Bohemian Beat Poet Warrior Queen, or whatever people call you."

"They call me Marie if they want to be taken seriously." She raised two fingers to catch a server's attention. "Oh Goddess, My Goddess will do in a pinch."

"Your ego suits you." Lee took another swig of beer.

"As you know, I'm always on the hunt for the perfect man." May took a quick sip of bottled water before continuing her monologue. "I realize I've already had three of them." She snorted and the audience laughed. "But you don't understand! It's the thrill of the hunt! It wouldn't matter if I've been through ten marriages, I'd still keep a trap oiled!" May paused for a theatrical reflection. "Deadfalls work well, too." The audience tittered a little. "But seriously. I am always on the hunt. It's family tradition." May gestured to a ferocious set decoration depicting Medusa, as she would appear in a trailer park. "I mean, LOOK AT MY MOM!" Laughter swelled.

"Good ol' Mom." May sighed. "She didn't just go after any man, mind you. She went after the best. You've got to focus on quality. That's rule number one. The lady had standards. If he had a beer gut and recently installed a lube rack in his living room, SIGN HIM UP!" The audience laughed some more. "And give him bonus points if he can crush aluminum cans against his forehead. Give him even more if he needs operating instructions for shirts!" May paused for the audience to get through its latest round of laughter. She had a great crowd tonight. "Mom often gave us tips on locations, too. Mom always said, 'If you're looking for Mr. Right, ya' gotta' head to the right places,' which was funny. She spent an awful lot of time in bait shops." The audience swelled with laughter again. May smiled sweetly. Her buck teeth were just a prominent as ever and were probably the most famous trademark among stand-up comediennes. "Oh, and hunting stores, too. She looooved a sportin' man. She was also a firm believer that clothing makes the man. I guess nothing makes a man like safety orange!" Laughter rose again.

"Where is the ochre?" Jimmy pawed through his box of oil pastels for several moments before producing a well-worn stub of color. He laid it to his pad, and then paused to rethink his picture. A newscast flashed pictures of Sarah's demonstration, while he glanced briefly between his television and his easel. "My muse, this simply won't do." He quickly tore the paper away and deposited into a brimming recycling bin. He raised his hand to start over, but the television captured more of his attention than the drawing he was trying to rough out. Sarah's protest was on the news, and she had center stage.

"Wow. Is this really what the future holds?" Edd's mind raced with possibilities. "This can't be right. I'm just imagining it."

Edd put the ornament down and got up to feed his ants, but he only made it to the stairs. "I never thought the Kankers would turn out that way." It wasn't long before Edd had the ornament at his eye again.

As soon as the red 'recording' lights flicked off, Eddy clapped and thanked Dana's 'guests' for a great show. Dana was about to chip in her two cents when Executive Producer Paul Warren knocked on the control room windows and signaled her to his office. Dana removed her lavaliere and snagged a quick sip of coffee before heading through the studio doors.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I always want to see you. You're the reason I come in."

Dana cleared her throat in an attempt at remaining serious. "Well, I'm flattered. Thank you. Can you hold off on the roses, though? I've got enough flowers to decorate a Macy's Parade float."

"Nonsense. I'm merely keeping our expense account in use. You know what happens when we don't spend the money."

"I-I'm aware of that, but can't we put some of that toward better craft service? Perhaps more convincing guests? It's hard to get good actors for eleven bucks an hour."

"For top-rated exposure, actors should come in for free."

"Oh, top-rated." Dana rolled her eyes. "Let's see. We're taped in front of an imaginary studio audience. I can count our corporate sponsors on two fingers. Most of the technical crew are either interns or straight out of college. There isn't a single network that runs the show prior to 1:30 am and I've seen all of two daytime promos run for 'Counter/Contra' over the past six weeks. We're not even giving 'Bass Boat Weekly,' a run for their money. C'mon, Paul."

"You're right, of course. We need to bring you into competition with Springer."

"We'd have to stage a murder before that happens."

Paul got up and stared out his office windows for a moment. "What about televangelism?"

"What about it? Televangelist exposes are nothing new."

"No-no, I was thinking more along the lines of you receiving divine messages."

Dana giggled. "Excuse me?"

"You know. God decides to pass The Word through you."

"Respectfully, I think not."

"It might make an interesting moral turnaround for the show."

"Yeah, and make my life a living Hell. The minute someone talks intimately about God, people check for authenticity. I don't have a clean moral record."

"Neither did Mary Magdalene."

"It also means that Eddy and I'd have to stay out of jazz clubs and basically kill our night life. That kinda' cramps our style. I'm too cynical to anoint anyone with my tears, anyway."

Paul placed his hand on her shoulder. "Perhaps, we should get together for a brainstorm." He caressed the side of her neck with his index finger. "Say, about 9:00?"

Dana firmly removed his hand from her shoulder and distastefully held it at arm's length. "You know, Paul, you don't have to sleep with every female show host you work with. Besides, I already have a maniacal letch in my life." She dropped his hand and flashed her wedding ring at him on her way out his door. "I think one's enough, don't you?"

Gloria struggled to unlock the garage door and barely got through it with all her holiday loot. She heard the television running, but neither Ed, nor Ed, were anywhere in the house. "Good," she grinned. Hiding presents within ten miles of a nine-year-old, or worse, his father, had to be conducted with extreme caution. They weren't above employing bloodhounds to find packages and Gloria was determined to keep the presents a SECRET this year. She wasted no time scuttling everything into a guest bedroom to wrap behind locked doors. Little did she know Ed and Ed watched her every move on the house security cameras. They planned their first raid while she raced the clock with ribbons, paper and tape.

"Oh," Eddy poked his head into the kitchen. "Do I smell Cajun?"

"Ya do, Misser Eddee," Dana buzzed around the kitchen busily adding ingredients to a steaming pan. "I got da Shrimp Gumbo an' a rice heah an' I got da Peppa Conbread and Sweet Pataytah Pi in da ovun. Yoo gon' eat good tonite, I ga-ron-tee."

"Heh-heh! Televangelism. You need a cooking show."

"Ahh ya. A Cookin' Sho. Yoo watch me. I make de stuff yoo like heah. We get yoo fulla my peppas, den we talk God."

"A Cajun Contessa's temptations and a belly full of redemption." Eddy circled her waist with his arms. "That's my kind of religion." He playfully planted a quick peck on her lips before Dana pushed him back out of the kitchen.

Once dinner was cleaned up, Edd sent the girls upstairs for their baths while he pulled on his fleece vest and jacket. "How's the sky, tonight?"

"Cloudy. We're expecting a cold front by morning. It looks like you'll spend the whole night on RTs."

Edd strode across the yard to the observatory silo. The country's second most powerful telescope loomed inside, as well as the control center for twelve different types of ground-based radio and laser telemetry telescopes. Edd's association with the University and the government's astronomic research program landed him a ten year scientific tenure, and free housing as a researcher and telescope curator. Presently, Edd was gathering data on the claster phenomena recently evident around Beta Camelopardalis.

After watching the sky for a bit, Edd unlocked the gate to the radio yard and let himself into the silo. Screensavers winked animated patterns at him, while he flicked on lights and ramped the cooling fans to operation power. It didn't take long before his breath turned steamy again. Once he checked the status readings on the HPAs, he threw the power to them and recalibrated his transmitters with dummy loads. Once that was done, he checked the readings his static monitor antennas collected during the day and returned to the house. Edd couldn't dispatch any full power signals until overhead air traffic concluded for the night.

The lights were on in the Master Bedroom when Edd came back in. Megan thumbed through 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,' while Calida, Cleo, and Cassi arranged themselves on the bed. "That was fast," he smirked. Cassi already looked somewhat sleepy, but her older sisters were wide awake. Megan started walking toward him. "Where did you guys leave off? I can't find your place."

"Here it is," Edd opened the book to the page he last read as Megan kissed him on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"Mistletoe."

Edd glanced up to a sprig of mistletoe hanging above the doorway.

"Very sneaky." Megan laughed as he circled her waist and pulled her into a mock-passionate embrace. A chorus of "Ewww! They're kissing!" rose from their giggling audience on the bed. "C'mon, Daddy. We want to hear more of the story."

They lingered for an extra moment and exchanged a 'to-be-continued' look before Edd handed Megan the book.

"Whoa! What's that?"

"Sparkly!" Ed pulled the ornament away from Edd's eye and tried to peer into it.

"No, wait!" Edd leapt toward Ed.

Eddy reached for the ornament. "Give it here, Ed."

"Huh-uh."

"Ed! Let me see, already!" Ed kept Eddy from snatching it away by holding it above his head.

"C'mon, Ed!"

"Guys! Please! Be careful with that!"

"Ed! Quit hoggin' it!"

"Get your own."

"ED!"

Edd watched in horror as Eddy lunged at Ed.

"Ahem." Dr. Klinefelter stood with her arms folded and looked to the three of them reproachfully. Ed and Eddy froze. "I seem to remember saying something about horseplay in this house. Would either care to refresh my memory?"

"Uh, heh-heh, h-hi, Dr. K-Klinef-felter. Heh, nice day, isn't it?" Eddy started sweating visibly.

"I'm waiting."

"Uh... Horseplay? Yeah, uh... it's not allowed?"

"That's right, and you know what happens when you break the rules in my house, don't you?"

"Mom, please."

"Hush, Eddward."

"Please don't call my mom. Please? Heh-heh. See? Nothing's broken."

Ed forgot he had something in his hand and the ornament tumbled from his fingers as Eddy tried to show Charlotte the ornament. Fortunately, Edd anticipated this and caught it.

"Alright. I won't call your mother. But if you can't obey the rules in this house, you can't come in. Understand?"

"Y-yes, Ma'am."

"Don't let me catch you crashing around here, again."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Eddy waited a few minutes after Charlotte left the kitchen before turning to Edd. "Jeez, why's your mom such a buzzkill?"

"Oh-oh-I know this one! She's a Neo Yula Walker transplant clone, here to spy on the human race and report her findings so they can plot their secret colonization of Dunkin' Donuts shops!"

"Shut-up, Ed."

"My mother is not a buzzkill. She just wants people to follow the rules."

"Eeeaah..." Eddy waved it off. "So, what is that thing?"

"It's a Christmas ornament."

"Really? Got any more of those? We could sell 'em and make a fortune!"

"Unfortunately, they're already marked for the Women's Center Rummage Sale. I'm afraid you're a bit late, Eddy."

"So? We just tell her that we're taking them over and sell them ourselves."

"That's STEALING!"

"It's only stealing if they know about it."

"It's stealing regardless, Eddy. Honestly, I can't believe you'd sink low enough to steal from a charity."

"Whatever, Edd."

"...And if you'll steal from a charity, what's next? Will you steal from helpless babies, too?"

"ALRIGHT! Can we drop it, now!? Sheesh!"

"Dropping, Mr. Eddy!"

"Guh! ED! NO!"

Ed dropped the box of ornaments, which tumbled and spilled brightly-colored broken glass across the kitchen floor. "Oops."

"Good one, Lumpy!"

"Look at this mess! There's glass everywhere!"

"Sigh." Edd's mom returned to the kitchen and glowered at the boys with narrow smoldering eyes.

"Uh, hi, again... Heh-heh. Just a little accident Dr. Klinefelter. We'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy."

"YOU TWO. OUT. NOW."

"Yes, Ma'am."

It didn't take long for Edd and his mother to clean up the glass, after which, he wandered up to his room. At least he succeeded in saving his ornament. He turned it in his fingers and moved to peer into it again.

End of Part One.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part Two**

Pale rays of morning light bled through the drawn window shears forming pools of light, which slowly crept across the bed. Edd watched Megan sleep in his arms while he counted the sparse strands of gray hair growing behind her temple. In an hour, she would get up, dress and start breakfast once the girls were downstairs. For now, time could stand still.

-

Eddy and Dana's attempts at hanging Christmas decorations collapsed into a round of increasingly lascivious play wrestling in front of their half-assembled artificial tree. They forgot that they accidentally left their front door ajar after bringing in the tree, so their surprise doubled when Dana noticed Paul Warren standing in their doorway.

"Paul!" Dana pushed Eddy away and tried to straighten herself a little. "What brings you here?"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Uh, heh-heh, not at all." Eddy grinned in Paul's direction and pulled a few strands of tinsel from Dana's hair before they stood up.

"We're just decorating the tree."

"I see." Paul cleared his throat, and gestured with a manila envelope he held in his hand. "I wanted to have a quick word with you, Dane."

"Certainly." Dana stepped past Paul and closed the front door once they were both on the front porch. "Would you like a cup of coffee, or anything?"

"That won't be necessary. I'm only here for a minute. I had an emergency meeting with Glasser and Sheppard, this morning. I felt it was better to bring this to you instead of waiting until Monday."

Dana felt her stomach crawl as she opened the manila envelope. Her suspicions were confirmed when it revealed her production contract with a studio stamp spelling, "**DISC. 12/10. NO RENEWAL**," followed by Paul's initials. Her eyes narrowed.

"I tried to salvage the show but Lorne is dead-set on spiritually uplifting content," he forced himself into a helpless shrug. "I tried."

"Save it."

"Of course, this type of thing is never permanent. He stepped a little closer to Dana. "If you'd like to get together this evening, I'm sure we could renegotiate."

"Oh, sure. I'm supposed to fall into your arms so you can make it all better, right?"

His face turned sheepish.

"Go to Hell, Paul."

Paul backed away from the front porch. "Yes. Well, it's been a pleasure working with you. You have thirty days to vacate the property. Best of luck."

Dana leaned against the door and released a long slow breath once she was back in the house.

"What was that about?" Eddy had the tree completely assembled and partially strung with lights.

"Paul had a meeting with the studio heads, today. They're not happy with _Counter/Contra_."

"Oh, well that's no problem. We could pick up the show with some..."

"Eddy."

"Wait, just listen. All we need to do is come up with some new ideas."

"Not quite."

"Oh come, now. I got a million of 'em and we only started discussing this a second ago. Surely we can inject the show with some new life."

"Eddy, they don't want us to pick up the show," Dana handed him the envelope. "They want us to pack up our stuff."

-

Edd pulled the ornament away from his eye and stared into the solar system mobile hanging from his ceiling. Something bounced off his window frame. Before long it happened again. Irritated, he leapt to his window.

"Eddy! What did I tell you about throwing rocks?!"

"I'm not throwing rocks! They're pinecones! Get out here!"

"Do you know what would happen if my mother caught you throwing things at our house?"

"No, _I forgot_. Come outside and tell me."

"What if I'm grounded?"

"You're not grounded. Quit stalling. We've got work to do."

Edd sighed and closed his window. He was careful to place the ornament in a safe place until he could come back to it.

"How come you didn't come with us when your mom kicked us out? We've been waiting forever."

"You didn't expect my mother to clean up all that glass, did you?"

"Nah. She might miss something. Hey, that wasn't the only box, was it?"

"As far as I know, yes."

"Grrr. There's another one we can chalk up to Ed."

"Perhaps, but you know I wouldn't let you steal those."

"Whatever."

They walked toward Ed's house while Eddy tried to think of a good scam. Edd let him think for a while before breaking their silence. "Hey, Eddy?"

"Huh?"

"How do you feel about Dana?"

"I've said it a million times, Double-D. I'm going to marry that girl. That is unless Nazz decides to get serious," Eddy nudged Edd. "Might be fun to see 'em compete, eh?"

"What a colorful world your slumber must paint."

-

The visit to Ed's house didn't turn up anything brilliant. For the most part, the boys spent the afternoon watching an old Wereferret movie and drawing pictures with crayons that Sarah and Jimmy left out. The only thing Eddy could think of was catching snakes and selling them. Jonny was the only kid around who liked them and he wouldn't waste any time 'rescuing' them without paying, however.

Ed's mother came home with several sacks of groceries, which she did every payday. Even though those were the days the Duggans ate best, Edd declined her offer for dinner and went home. He tried to deny it, but he was dying of curiosity. He had a taste of either the future, or a soap opera fantasy and he couldn't stay away from it. With good reason, he decided to keep his secret from Eddy.

-

Dana lay in the bathtub, brooding. "Thirty days to vacate. We should've bought that condo when we had the chance."

Eddy knew enough to leave Dana alone when she locked doors. Instead, he made himself busy by scouring the Internet for job openings in video production. Something nagged at the back of his mind. They both applied and were hired separately. They both had different jobs. Sure, a show host might be turned over, but why fire him? Considering what he had to work with, he felt he did a fine job. He was efficient, cost-effective, flexible, innovative and multi-talented. Of the production staff they had, he was also the most qualified, so his credentials couldn't have been an issue. He felt good rapport with his staff, so that couldn't be it, either. There had to be another reason. Eddy continued sifting through the trade indexes to see where he could get work. "Fargh... Why now? If this was in the works, they could bother warning us before the Spring productions start. No, they had to wait until nobody's hiring."

-

"You're kidding me," Nazz taxed almost all of her mental resources to keep her frustration under control. "What do you mean you're headed to KVNF? You're the highest paid reporter, here."

"I am also one of the lowest-paid news professionals in this market. For three years you've been telling us we're going to get more money, that we'll get new equipment and that our production standards will climb. It's not coming. It will never come. I can't continue living on 28,000 a year. I'm married. We barely make our rent as it is. What am I going to do when we have a baby?"

-

"Walnuts!" Ed's eyes glowed with pleasure.

"I figured you'd get a charge out of that." Gloria selected another walnut and chocolate chip cookie from the baking sheet and bit into it. "I love eating these while the chocolate's still soft."

"You're a woman of simple pleasures, Lieutenant."

"Whatever keeps our good Captain distracted."

"Don't assume this is over," Ed turned officious.

"As you wish." She playfully circled him with her arms and tickled him.

The Christmas presents were safe for now.

-

After a 3-hour bath, Dana finally emerged from the bathroom wearing a robe and a hair wrap. Eddy still sat at his computer. "Any luck?"

"Nada. There isn't a decent opening anywhere in SoCal."

Dana suddenly felt dizzy and faint. She figured it was the prospect of having to go back to waitressing.

"Not even the shopping networks?"

"Nothing. You alright? Dane?"

Dana slumped to the floor.

-

"Eddward?"

Edd pulled the ornament away from his eye. His mother knocked again.

"Eddward, you need to eat something. You know what happens when you let your blood sugar drop too low."

"Yes, Mother. I'll be right out." Edd tried to hide his ornament as quietly as possible.

"Is everything okay in there?"

Edd noisily opened one of his dresser drawers. "Everything's fine, Mother. I'm just changing my clothes."

"All right, then," Charlotte sounded a little suspicious. "There's casserole in the refrigerator."

"Sounds yummy, Mom." Edd rolled his eyes.

Edd put on a fresh shirt to make sure Charlotte thought he was telling the truth. What he didn't check was whether he had it on right. Edd accidentally pulled the shirt on inside out before going downstairs. While he didn't notice, she did. She also noted his rapid consumption of dinner, which he didn't bother heating before a quick dash back to his room.

-

"Honestly, I haven't a clue. I thought she was taking a bath."

"Does she have diabetes or hypoglycemia?"

"I dunno."

Dana opened her eyes to find paramedics checking her vital signs. Eddy was frantic.

"Aren't you guys supposed to just know these things?"

"Welcome back," one of the medics waved at her.

"DANE!" Eddy tried to leap to her side, but a police officer kept him back.

"Calm down. Let them do their work."

-

"Boy, this is some rainstorm, Plank." Jonny wiped water from Plank's body before buckling his seatbelt. "You're more soaked than me! You'd better keep your Vitamin C up or you'll catch a cold."

With two clicks of his ignition, Jonny's old Subaru skipped to life. "I think I've got some Echinacea in my medicine cabinet. I'll get it for you when we get home." Jonny paused for Plank's response.

"Nonsense! It's no trouble at all." He listened again.

"Alright, if you insist. I suppose I should stop by the store, anyway."

Jonny pulled into the Whole Foods parking lot and parked his car. Plank didn't feel like going in so Jonny left him in the car. The trip though the store was quick until the manager detained him with questions about this year's Christmas turkey donations. Whole Foods always donated large quantities of turkeys and canned goods for his work with the Community Food Pantry.

The rain fell even harder when he left. Heavy sheets of water pummeled with the fury of a typhoon. Jonny could barely see what was on the road ahead. He thanked God he was moving slowly when a figure suddenly appeared in front of the car. Jonny swerved and stopped. The figure had a raincoat pulled up over its head, but the coat did nothing to keep the figure from being pelted by the rain. "Better take the back seat, Plank." Jonny unlocked the doors and jumped out to help. Cold water coursing over the road soaked his feet up to his ankles. "Here! Get in!" He could barely hear himself speak over pounding rain. Jonny ushered the figure into the passenger seat and closed the door. Rivulets of water flowed down his face and clothes once he was back in the driver's seat. Plank watched the figure struggle with coat for a moment before uncovering its head.

"Thank you!" The figure turned out to be a woman. "I figured tonight would be my last."

"No problem, Miss. It's terrible out there." Jonny put his car back in gear and swiped water away from his head and face. "Can I take you somewhere?"

"I was going home, but there was a mudslide. My car..." Tears rolled from her eyes.

"No-no-no! Please! No tears!" Jonny reached past her to his glove box and fished for some tissues. "I take it the road's washed out."

"Yes," she gratefully took the tissues he offered her. "My car is in the river."

"Oh my."

"The hill just melted..." She could barely speak from being frightened and cold.

Jonny tried to console her while determining his own safety. "If the hill's unstable, let's get out of here. I know a place we dry off. There are phones, too."

Jonny felt the ground shift slightly beneath the car. A torpid swell of mud and rocks loomed down the hillside toward the road. Jonny locked the transmission in low gear and coaxed the Subaru against the coming current. The car swam sluggishly and fishtailed in the flow, catching small bits of traction as Jonny directed it toward a hopeful escape. The back end drifted and caught traction with the road. It was enough for Jonny to hop the car across the remaining mess and sprint away from the buckling hillside. Minutes passed before either he or his passenger could allow themselves to breathe.

-

"Where are we?" Jonny took the woman's soaked coat and removed his own once they were inside. "This is where I work. It's a youth center kinda' like a YMCA."

"Oh." She looked around.

Jonny flicked on some lights. "Let me hang these someplace. There's a phone over there. Just dial nine for an outside line."

"Thank you."

In the staff kitchen, Jonny heated a kettle and looked for some towels. When he found some, he toweled off his head, removed his shirt and undershirt and laid them over the sink to drip.

"I brought you some towels."

The woman jumped away from him. "I should be going now! Thanks for everything!" She started to open the door.

"Don't you want your coat? At least dry off." He tried to hand her a towel, but she shrank from him. Thunder clapped loudly outside.

"With all respect, I think you're in shock. I'd feel better if you'd dry off and sit for a while. At least until the rain stops."

"I know what this is. Just let me go."

"Go where? We're downtown. Any taxi that comes into this neighborhood is going to gouge like you wouldn't believe."

"This neighborhood?"

"I promise you, this place isn't safe at night. Please reconsider." He offered her a towel again.

"You're not going to try anything?"

"What?"

She pointed at his bare chest.

"Oh! I got so busy looking for towels I forgot my modesty," he flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea."

Jonny heard the kettle whistle in the kitchen. "Would you like some tea? I have chamomile."

-

Because Dana's sudden unconsiousness was unexplainable, Eddy and Dana followed the paramedics' advice and called their doctor. His answering service recommended an Emergency Room visit. "Let's get a little more expensive," he grumbled. Dana would've offered to forego the whole thing except she still felt ill.

The triage nurse made no great effort to assign Dana any priority, so she sat in an exam room for long periods of time between brief visits for a blood draw and another bodily fluid. The doctor finally popped in and looked her over briefly. Boredom dulled her attention so much the mention that she was pregnant almost went unnoticed. Almost.

"There must be some mistake."

"Not in the least. The lab runs two tests to be sure and both came back positive. Is this your first time?"

Dana could feel color drain from her face. "Um, yeah."

"Okay. Your body is in the middle of a hormone rush. You might expect a few more dizzy spells and flashes through the first trimester. I don't want to prescribe anything for your symptoms because it's better to let your body work things out. As for nausea, the best thing you can do is avoid caffeine and foods that are hard to digest. Have someone else do the cooking if you're sensitive to smells. Keep some soda crackers by your bed and eat some before you get up. You might also want to try ginger tea, ginger snaps, lemons and seltzer...

Dana's head swam in the enormity of it all. She couldn't hear a word the doctor was saying. All she could do was stare at the title of a pamphlet he handed her, '_Living for Two: Recommendations for a Healthy Pregnancy_.'

"One thing I can't emphasize enough is avoiding alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine. You'll also want to get in contact with an OB GYN. Do you have one, now?"

"Yeah."

"Great." The doctor wrote something and got up. "I'll have someone get you some supplements before you leave. Congratulations, by the way."

"Right." Dana waved weakly.

Dana sat quietly and let it all sink in. For a change, she didn't have to wait long before a chirpy nurse arrived carrying some insurance forms and a small paper sack.

Eddy read every single magazine in the lobby and seriously considered starting on the children's books before Dana reappeared. "What took so long? Did you get a heart transplant back there or what? You alright?"

"I'm good."

"Nothing serious, I hope?"

"I'll tell you when we get home."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired. Let's go."

-

The pounding rain slowed to a gentle tapping before Jonny finally talked the woman into trading her muddy wet clothes for some blankets. Once he rinsed the mud from her things, he hung them to dry and slipped into his office to swap his trousers for the tee shirt and sweat pants he kept for basketball. The woman bundled herself tightly in the blankets, but seemed much more relaxed. She attempted to make some phone calls and gave up. The mudslide knocked out phone service for much of the community south of Tollamere.

"You know what?" Jonny came back from the kitchen. "Now that you're dry, you look sort of familiar. I feel almost as if you're someone I used to know."

"I might be." She sipped her tea. "I'm an activist and I'm on TV frequently."

"You are?"

"Yes, but don't throw me out. I'm with W.E.P."

"Oh, Women's Equality Party. Yes, you were at the capitol yesterday. I was surprised that amendment didn't pass."

"As were we." Her eyes smoldered. "It's ridiculous that our own government supports paying women arbitrarily just to keep things cheap for Big Corporate. It's so obviously wrong. I don't even know where to begin."

"Tell me about it. I work with single mothers who are grossly underpaid. They have to work two full-time jobs just to keep their families fed. I'm sure you can imagine what it does to their kids."

"Is that what this place is about?"

"Yes. It's a safe place to come. There are no drugs allowed here, no gangs and no thuggery. If the kids want to talk, I'm here. If not, they're still welcome."

"Are you a counselor?"

"In a way. I'm a Minister."

She giggled and started laughing. "A Minister!"

"What's so funny?"

"I'm ashamed to admit it." She chuckled some more. "I thought you brought me here to do something _unholy._ Especially when you came back without a shirt!"

"Oh." Embarrassment crept across his face again. "I'm sorry."

"Please! It's a pleasant surprise, but I have to admit you don't look like a man of the cloth."

Jonny smiled. "I'm not really 'of the cloth.' I'm just Jonny."

"I grew up with a kid named Jonny. He was nice, but a little strange. My name is Sarah Duggan, by the way."

Jonny's face lit up. "Sarah Duggan." Jonny leaned forward and extended his hand for a handshake. "I'm Jonny Chemelka."

"JONNY 2X4?! No way!" Sarah's eyes grew wide with surprise. "The last I'd heard, you left for the Air Force."

"No, it's really me! Small world, huh?"

"It's been years! You look great, by the way."

Jonny and Sarah reminisced until dawn.

-

Eddy tried to start a few conversations during the drive home, but Dana's responses were terse. It was obvious she wasn't going to reveal whatever it was that sent them to the Emergency Room. She only slouched in the seat and kept her attention out the window.

Dana wasn't sure how to feel. Her emotions kept swirling in a giddy rush of uneasiness, shock, frustration and happiness. Pregnancy added to the difficulties she'd have finding work. Nobody would hire her since she'd only turn around and head back out on maternity leave. Still, this _is_ what they wanted. She'd been told for years that she was infertile and fertility procedures were such a bother. They gave up. Now, suddenly she's pregnant and out of work.

Once Eddy got the Mercedes back into the garage, he shut the car off and tapped her shoulder. "Alright, we're home. What's the story?"

Her brain was still in vapor lock but she remembered the paper bag and handed him the pamphlet she dropped into it. Eddy's jaw dropped into his lap.

-

"Goodness." Edd pulled the ornament away from his eye again. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. Crickets chirped loudly outside and the house was quiet. "Uh-oh." Edd looked at his clock. It was already 3:00 am. "I only have two hours before my paper route! Curse my voyeurism!"

Edd put the ornament back in its hiding place and quickly got ready for bed.

-

Edd woke to find several sticky notes pasted to the kitchen table in front of him. He accidentally dozed off after his paper route.

_"Dear Eddward,_

_If you're going to take a nap, at least clear your dishes first. (cont'd)"_

The message continued on a second sticky note:

_"The kitchen table is not appropriate for sleeping, by the way.   Love, Mom."_

Another group of sticky notes were pasted a few inches away from the first two to indicate a different message.

_"Dear Eddward,_

_I hate to mention that you're getting lax in your chores. (cont'd) --"_

_"Once you've cleared your dishes, the Living Room could (cont'd) --"_

_"-- use a once-over. You also forgot to make your bed.   Love, Mom."_

Farther away, another group of notes lay waiting for him.

_"Dear Eddward,_

_"We are also replacing your furniture with piles of cedar (cont'd) --"_

_"-- chips and a giant hamster ball. Please box all of your (cont'd) --"_

_"-- belongings and leave them on the curb for Goodwill, (cont'd) --"_

_"-- and please sculpt a life-sized replica of Mount (cont'd) --"_

_"Rushmore out of rubber bands by 5:00.   Love, Mom."_

"EDDY!"

Eddy burst into laughter somewhere upstairs. Ed also chuckled and yelled out, "Sticky note!"

"You know you guys don't belong upstairs! Get down here, now!"

The other Eds instead ran to another part of the house.

"So help me, if I find you in my parents' room again, there's going to be trouble! Real trouble!" Edd raced for the stairs.

-

End of Part Two.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part Three**

Edd dashed frantically for his parents' bedroom. He didn't have time for any massive cleaning regimens. _"Guh! Please," _he thought. _"What I had to do to get Ed's dead skin flakes out of Father's sheets? It was inhuman. Especially now that he and Sheldon are inseparable. Heaven help me if that foul festering stink grenade ever gets loose in there!"_

Edd threw open the bedroom door and braced for disaster. He found nothing. Every item in the bedroom sat precisely in its appointed place and the entire room glistened in pristine cleanliness. A deep sigh of relief escaped Edd's chest until he heard a rustle down the hallway.

"Oh, no! My room!"

"Shh, Ed!" Eddy balanced on Edd's footstool and focused his telescope across the street. "I've almost got him."

"What do you think you're doing?"

Eddy didn't move. "Kevin and Nazz think they're alone. You could practically count their pores with this thing."

"Eddy, my telescope isn't intended for that purpose. Please point it away from the window."

"What? They're talking."

"Eddy, point my telescope away from the window, please."

"Killjoy," Eddy growled.

Edd replaced the end caps. "For safety's sake, Eddy. You should _never_ use optics like this during the day. You could burn your eyes."

"And then Eddy would have to get a white cane and I would be his guide dog! Arruuf!!"

Edd glanced and turned white with horror upon seeing Ed dressed in his clothes with practically all of Edd's backup sock hats piled on top of his head.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I am Triple-D!"

"THAT'S A WEEK'S WORTH OF LAUNDRY, ED! IT'LL TAKE ME FOREVER TO CLEAN ALL THOSE CLOTHES!"

"Calm down, Double-D," Eddy put a hand on his shoulder. "Lucky for you, Kevvo shoved Ed in the creek this morning. He's nowhere near as funky as he was."

"The potential for leeches in my clothing does not make me feel better, Eddy."

"Then I imagine you'll be even happier to know we just came from Rolf's."

"Anthrax?! Bird flu?!" Edd gasped. "FLEAS?!" Edd was about to lose his mind. "ED! REMOVE MY CLOTHES IMMEDIATELY!"

Ed pouted. "But Triple-D!"

"No Ed. No Triple-D! Take them off!"

"Shed 'em, Ed. He's not going to grow a sense of humor anytime soon."

"Eddy, my sense of humor is perfectly fine. But, we've already done that bit and Ed was better playing you, anyway."

"Meaning only _I_ could approach your greatness?"

Edd looked at Eddy incredulously.

"If a lean is ever too steep for the fat, I'll be sure to think of you."

Eddy cackled.

Ed disrobed from Edd's clothes as Edd buzzed around him with tongs and a plastic decontamination drum. Ed removed everything except the pile of sock hats on head. Edd, irked, tried over and over to convince Ed to deposit the hats in the drum, but Ed decided he was far too happy being the new and improved Naked Triple-D. Eddy rocked on his heels and laughed as Edd chased Ed around his room and fretted over the scandal it would make if his mother came home at that moment.

The chase came to a halt when Ed tripped over the tripod to Edd's telescope. Ed, sock hats, telescope crashed to the floor. It did nothing to improve Edd's attitude.

"GOOD LORD, ED!"

Edd dashed to grab his telescope, right it and inspect it for damage. "This was a gift from Father! If anything ever happened to it, I'd be in solitary!"

"Nice going, Lumpy," Eddy chided.

Edd rounded on him. "Some help you were!"

"Aw, c'mon Double-D. Relax. I'm sure it's fine. Most of it landed on Ed, anyway."

"Another thing I'll have to decontaminate, no doubt."

Eddy rolled his eyes. "Would ya' give it rest already?"

A familiar ungodly odor lurched through Edd's nose and burned his sinuses. He glanced around to find Sheldon free from Ed's jacket. The moldy cheese lay attacking his reserve sock hats with further contamination.

"GAAAAH! NOT THIS AGAIN!"

Edd dashed for his supply drawer and extracted a surgical gloves and a mask. A glint within the drawer caught Eddy's eye.

"Ed, please remove your cheese chunk from my domicile!"

"But Sheldon wants to be your friend, Double-D. He is even wearing your hat."

"That olfactory atrocity is an assault on every imaginable fiber of my being! Remove it, immediately!"

Eddy poked Edd. "You've been holding out on us, Pal!"

Edd's consternation skyrocketed when he turned to find Eddy with the ornament.

"EDDY, YOU PUT THAT BACK!"

"Yeah right! Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!"

Eddy rolled his eyes. "We're just havin' a little fun. You remember fun, right?"

"I remember a great deal of it at my expense. Put the ornament back, put your clothes on and LEAVE MY HOME IMMEDIATELY!"

Ed's lip trembled. "But Double-D…"

Edd raised his finger and fought unsuccessfully against the tears flooding the corners of his eyes.

"Go. Just go!" Edd sobbed.

"Aww. Did someone forget to take his chill pill this morning?"

"EDDY! TAKE ED AND GET OUT!"

"Sheesh." Eddy grabbed Ed's clothes and handed them to him. "Let's go. Captain Spazz needs a time-out."

Eddy dragged Ed by the arm toward the hallway. Tears also swelled at the corners of Ed's eyes. "Double-D."

Edd put his head down at his drafting table, his body heaved with tears and choppy breaths. He refused to respond.

"Let's go." Eddy pulled Ed away from the doorway.

The two boys lingered at the bottom of the stairs before letting themselves out. Edd didn't apologize. He didn't come to the banister to make up or explain himself. He didn't lecture them or even urge them out the door. Nothing but Edd's weeping issued from his bedroom. His crying added lead to the air around Eddy and Ed.

The boys were perplexed. They've pushed Edd to tears before, but not this easily.

Edd continued crying once he heard the screen door close in the kitchen. He alternately cursed Eddy's selfishness and insensitivity while feeling shame for his own behavior. He wanted desperately for the company of his friends, while bemoaning how often they treated him unfairly or expected the world of him. For once, would it kill Eddy to appreciate him for something other than scams? To simply be a friend?

He indulged his outburst a bit longer before mopping off his puffy face and eyes. Outside, he could hear Rolf and Kevin's laughter along with Sarah's familiar threats of reporting Ed for some offense. Eddy's voice wasn't a part of the chorus. Edd wanted to peer out his windows, but another glass caught his eye. Eddy left the ornament sitting on his pillow.

-

Marie flicked her motorcycle into a low gear as she came upon the Venneford City Marina. Her target was a boat frequented by four Ukrainians who were known associates of the local Russian mafia. Lee tried to bust them for almost as long as she'd been with the Organized Crime Unit. She could never get enough evidence to get timely warrants. The Russians always moved their operations and undercover agents were frequently compromised. Lee suspected leaks in the department and never spoke of her sisters. Marie wasn't on payroll and she could get into places the law couldn't. It was a cozy relationship. Lee relied on Marie to get dirt and Marie trusted Lee to miss or obscure any evidence involving her.

Marie regretted not making the police force. It wasn't hard to see Lee living a fat life and enjoying her authority. Being a performance artist didn't pay the bills nearly as well as a cop salary would. They both enrolled in the Police Academy together, but Marie failed to keep her nose clean and wound up flunking out. The only difference between her and Lee was merely that Lee wasn't caught. Now, it's Marie's job to keep it that way.

The trick, tonight, would be to look for evidence of sturgeon poaching. The Department of Fish and Game was closer to busting the four men for illegal caviar harvesting than Lee was to getting them for their Krasnaya Bratva activities. Lee reasoned that if they could be nabbed for fish, it'd open them to investigation on other things. It was worth the risk. Plus, Marie was getting desperate for cash.

"_Hold up, Toots_," Lee's voice buzzed over her headset. "_They're still here._"

Marie cut her engine and slid her motorcycle behind a bank of dumpsters. She shed her helmet and pushed her hair and headset under a fresh doo-rag before slipping through chainlink into the marina. She cut the fence with a bolt cutter earlier in the week to see if Marina Security would notice. As she expected, no one repaired the fence.

Lee's unmarked car perched on a hill just up from the marina. She watched Marie and the boat with an IR scope and kept Marie apprised of any developments. "_The Three Stooges are aft. Gorovich is in the galley. Looks like they're prepping the dinghy_."

Marie toed closer to the dock to see for herself. The Three Stooges, as Lee called them, were Nikolai Prokochuk, Vasily Beznevsyi and Pavel Meskasenko. All three seemed to answer to Petr Gorovich, who was still inside. The boat was registered to someone in Saskatoon; landlocked and far away from anything happening in Venneford Bay. The three Ukrainians spoke quietly to each other as they loaded duffel bags into the dinghy. Gorovich emerged to inspect the cargo before lowering the craft into the water. He looked almost drunk.

Marie snapped a few photos. From what she looked up on sturgeon, she knew there was no way they were loading caviar. Sturgeon spawn in Spring. This had to be something else. Her job was still to find evidence. She hoped for something more than just treble hooks and jars of old fish eggs.

-

Nazz downed a Powershot while listening to scanner traffic at the Assignment Desk. Tollamere sounded catastrophic. A massive mudslide. Bridge and road destroyed. Power and communications out. Cars in the river. No evidence of survivors. Again, she knew she'd have to dispatch herself to cover the story. Instinctively, Natalie grabbed more tapes, camera batteries and foul weather gear for another trip out. The nightside Newsroom staff prepped for breaking news. This one sounded like an all-nighter. Someone was already on the phone with Global News Channel. Nazz tossed Natalie a Powershot and grabbed her jacket.

-

"What is that godawful smell?" Dana rolled over and sat up to peer toward the kitchen. Eddy messed around with a spatula and frying pan trying to fold his attempt at an omelet, which was firmly stuck to the pan.

She was not in the mood to deal with burnt eggs and cheese. She was tempted to roll back over a feign sleep, but Eddy caught her.

"You're up! Come get some breakfast."

"Looks a little rough from here."

"No eggs for you? It's good for the baby."

Dana grimaced and patted her stomach. "I'll stick with cereal, thanks."

Eddy doused his eggs with Tabasco and tried wafting it at her as she entered the kitchen. "Mmmm. Protein. You sure?"

"Boof. Absolutely."

"Whaddya mean, 'boof?' It's an omelet." Eddy forked himself a mouthful and chewed it twice. Dana laughed as his face turned. "Blaaagh!" He scraped the rest into the disposal. "What kind of crazy eggs are these?"

"Free range."

"I hope they're free. They're certainly rangey."

Dana snickered at him and sliced a bagel for the toaster.

"Wait! Is that Nazz?"

Dana perked back to attention. "Where?"

"On TV. Look."

Eddy grabbed remote and turned the mute off. Nazz's voice filled the room in stereo. She described the Tollamere Bridge collapse while video rolled showing the aftermath.

"Gahd. Nazz looks like hell."

"She's been in the rain all night. I doubt she's going to star in any MAC commercials."

"Granted, but she's not even a reporter. Remember? She's the GM at KBAY. Or she was."

"Whatever she's doing, she's still at KBAY. GNC just put them in the courtesy graphic."

"What do you say you hit the Christmas card list and look her up?"

Eddy mock-leered. "I say, _GIGGITY_."

"Ugh. Quagmire? Facepalm. Seriously."

"Cut me some slack, it's early."

-

Jonny offered some fruit and toast for breakfast, but Sarah wasn't hungry. She itched to get to work so she could let everyone know she was okay. Shots of her red Honda Civic, gorged with mud and upended in the river, cycled on the news. If she still had her Blackberry she'd call people, but she lost it during her escape from the mudslide. Jonny's phones helped in some regard, but not for any calls south of the bridge. Landlines were knocked out. At least she was able to leave a message with Gloria so that Ed wouldn't freak out.

Jonny and Sarah dressed in their dried clothes and he offered her a ride to work. As they reached his car, a sick realization washed over him. He left Plank in the car all night.

Jonny fell to his knees begging Plank's forgiveness as Sarah looked on, stunned.

-

Kevin's trade to the Toronto Toreadors came with much ballyhoo, but eventually all hyped athletes lose their sheen. Kevin was no exception, especially now that the Tors were locked in a nine game losing streak. Coach Gillmour skated the team hard at practice and ran Kevin and various other teammates through extra hockey drills. Kevin knew if they didn't start winning, bag skates were just around the corner.

Neither he, nor most of his teammates felt like suffering the press. Niles Farley and Jack Yosh were the only two who ventured into the main dressing room for questions. All Kevin wanted to do was strip his gear, shower and get back to Mindi, Mandi, Marni or what's-her-face's silky thighs and ample chest. With few exceptions; all women ran together in his mind. Whoever she was, she'd be waiting. He could dawdle in the dressing room for hours and she'd still be waiting. They never leave.

-

Nazz slumped into her sofa with a box of takeout stir-fry and her laptop. She remained motionless for several minutes to let the past sixteen hours flow from her body. She doubted she could muster a word for just how tired she was. She finally got relief from the bridge coverage at 8:00. The AM show kept her and Natalie on-site for lack of additional reporters.

All Nazz could do was pray for a miracle. She couldn't keep this pace up. Plus, she never signed on to be a reporter in the first place. It was valuable to know what staff faced each day while putting shows on the air, but this wasn't the kind of look she wanted.

The last thing Nazz wanted to do was bother with email, but she knew she had to. If she went too long without contact with her parents, her mother showed up.

The top of the list was an email from Eddy. He saw her on GNC and wanted to know how she was. Eddy was such a funny goof. It had been ages since they talked. She knew he worked in TV somewhere, but lost track long ago.

She wrote back and his response was immediate. He was still online and happy to chat. Great! Nazz logged into chat and was soon bouncing gleeful messages with him.

-

Edd turned away from the stunning news on television to check email and plan his day. He sifted through several items of spam and ten or so messages from various Astronomy I and II students. He almost didn't recognize Eddy's email since they rarely talked anymore. It wasn't due to animosity. Each was simply busy with his own life. He and Ed interacted more often since Ed liked to hit him up for advice on how to work certain space phenomena into his sci-fi adventures. Sometimes there were invites to dinner or play dates for his daughters.

Eddy didn't write as if anything was wrong. The tone of the email was chatty and friendly. A quick catch-up with a mention of coming back to Canada for some job interviews. Edd didn't hesitate to offer a place to stay.

-

Other than leaving with thirty or so pictures, Marie was disappointed she couldn't get closer to Gorovich. She and Lee were able to confirm extracurriculars, but they had to be more specific for a warrant. Surging rain and unexpected visitors forced Marie to bail from her mission. She and Lee would try again in a few days.

For now, she pulled the fairings from her motorcycle and made herself busy with maintenance.

-

Sarah still accepted the ride to work, but she couldn't get away from Jonny fast enough. "_Gawd_," she thought. "_And to think I thought he was CUTE! Maybe now I can find a nice serial killer to flirt with_!" Sarah regained composure just before passing into the W.E.P. office. She was met with hugs and shrieks of relief.

-

"…Which brings us to beingness." Jimmy paused for emphasis in front of a classroom filled with massage students. "The best massage therapists use intuition to guide their work. The only way to truly tune into your clients is the practice beingness." Apart from practicing art and running his own massage business, Jimmy lectured twice weekly at Venneford Institute of Massage. He loved his work. Nothing was more congruent with his development as an artist than his work with muscles and senses. He wasn't rich by any stretch, but being happy was far more important. He had fun at the school, his clients adored him and his schedule was flexible enough to keep drawing and painting. Even better; it bugged his father. Perfect revenge for all those hours wasted practicing manly sports in the garage.

"Think back," He directed. "Try to remember a joyous time when you knew or thought of absolutely nothing other than what was happening at that moment. Think of what brought you to that moment and how you were feeling. Then apply that same feeling to working with a client. Focus completely on him or her. When someone is on your table, there is nothing else in the world. Nothing. No other thought. No other sensation beyond your work and how the person physically and spiritually reacts. That is beingness. That is when intuition is the loudest."

He and Sarah parted ways long ago. Seeing her on television still panged him from time to time. She was much harder to be around once she got involved with women's liberation, though. She became ultra militant about every nice thing he did for her. Everything became about stereotypes and reinforcing gender roles. Jimmy really didn't care about any of that stuff. He just wanted to fix her hair every so often or experiment with outfits before going out for cappuccinos and biscotti. She acted as if he'd suddenly devolved into Ed. It wasn't long before she had less and less time for him. Eventually, she stopped returning phone calls. For that, he owed the school for much of his sanity. He had something to throw himself into and the incidental sensuality of hands-on massage practice to replace her with.

-

Eddy watched dealership technicians going over his beloved car and wanted to cry. Lila was beautiful. She was nimble and responsive. She glided smoother than anything he'd ever driven and nothing underlined class like his gorgeous SL-550.

Dana was right, however. SoCal was one of the worst places in the world to be stuck without decent income and there's no way they could keep up the payments on unemployment insurance. He took one last cruise along Beachfront Boulevard before sacrificing her for a used Rav-4. "_Being mature sucks mightily_," he thought.

Dana also sacrificed. She sold her Lexus. Choice designer suits and formals, Italian heels and handbags went to consignment shops. Art went back to galleries and jewelry was either pawned or listed on eBay. The house came furnished, so the furniture wasn't theirs to sell or move. It didn't stop Dana from thinking about it though.

The next challenge involved condensing all of their remaining belongings down to what would fit in a Rav-4 and small trailer.

-

End of Part Three.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part Four**

Edd lolled to the side of his bed and wondered what time it was. The light from the window could've indicated dawn or dusk. He felt dizzy and disoriented. The ornament glistened in his hand but Edd fought the urge to peek and found a different hiding place for it.

From the sounds coming from downstairs, Edd could tell both his parents were home. "It must be dusk," he figured. Sounds of the microwave door being opened and something sizzling in a frying pan reminded him that he hadn't eaten for several hours. A second realization jolted him. He hadn't done any of his chores. He hoped his parents hadn't noticed, but a sticky note on his bedroom door spoke otherwise.

"_Eddward – A family meeting is scheduled for 8:00 PM. Your presence is requested. Sincerely, Father_."

Edd trembled for a moment. Foreboding collected in his stomach; pitting it with a lump of black tar.

He quietly descended the stairs and crept toward the kitchen. Charlotte sliced lettuce, bell peppers and tomatoes on a cutting board near the sink while Kenneth glanced over his mail. Tofu burgers sizzled in the frying pan. A steaming bowl of corn and garbanzo beans nested on a potholder at the center of the table. Only two settings were placed. Edd was definitely in trouble.

Edd lingered at the kitchen doorway for a bit before entering and taking his seat at the table. He fidgeted his fingers in his lap and waited for someone to say something. Ken looked up from his _Evening Gazette_ and adjusted his reading glasses at Edd while Charlotte arranged the sliced produce on toasted multigrain buns. She slid the tofu patties into the waiting sandwiches and brought the plates to the table. Ken washed his hands and joined them. Edd's place remained bare.

The next twenty minutes went by like an ice flow. Ken and Charlotte ate their food and spoke without acknowledging Edd's presence. Edd fought to keep himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. He practiced mental exercises to keep his stomach from growling.

He wondered what Ed and Eddy were up to before remembering his earlier outburst. Fighting with his friends. Skipping his chores. Hiding in his room. Lying in bed all day. Edd was not behaving as expected.

Charlotte and Ken finished their food at the same time and lingered in discussion before getting up and walking to the den. Edd still had better than an hour before the family meeting, but that time would be filled with cleaning. His parents deliberately left the dishes and frying pan for him to take care of. He glanced at the screen door and humored a strong urge to walk through it. Insubordination. Rebellion. The temptation was sweet. His parents judged him before seeking an explanation. It was a reason he couldn't share, however. The ornament promised him beautiful daughters, an affectionate marriage with Megan and the future lives of Ed, Eddy and Nazz. He couldn't tell anyone. His friends would think he's nuts and his mother would book him for the first available appointment with her psychiatrist.

Dr. Schrumpfenkoph was the last person Edd felt like dealing with. The guy ignored anything that was said in order to spout whatever patronizing analysis came to him. He was a most insufferable Freudian mule. Naturally, the ornament would be taken away. Edd might even be shipped away.

"No," he told himself. He would not slip into the night. After fighting with his friends, he had nowhere to go. Ed would forgive him, but Edd would rather suffer his parents than a night in Ed's basement. He couldn't stay with Megan. As liberal as her parents were, they'd never allow him overnight proximity. He paused briefly to savor the delicious thought of sharing a bed with her. Breasts, felt against his body in countless embraces, finally free from her bra. Warm soft skin under cotton sheets. Vibrant red hair cascading over creamy shoulders. Green eyes glinting. Lips parted… _NO! NO-NO-NO-NO!_ He ground his knuckles into his forehead and fought to keep his thoughts chaste. This was one difference from Eddy he intended to keep.

He turned to the table to clear it. "_Be but a mouse in a foxhole_," he thought. The bowl of garbanzo beans and corn remained almost full. Edd emptied half of it into a Tupperware container and ate the other half from the bowl. Leftover casserole from the previous night sat in the fridge. Edd spooned some of it into the bowl and ate that as well. Regardless of his punishment, he wouldn't spend the night with an empty stomach.

The meeting with the parents was brief. Ken summarized his disappointments over the past day and a half, but followed with a glowing review of his overall progress as a son. Edd was just another employee at a performance review. Other than dinner; there was no punishment. His father adjourned the meeting with a warning, "Make sure this is merely a slip and not a trend."

"Yes, sir." Edd got up and reached for Ken's outstretched hand. Eddy's father played cards or allowed Eddy to help with the grill. Kevin's father tossed a football and let Kevin tackle him. Edd's father shook hands. This passed for affection between them.

Edd returned to his room. Tomorrow is a new day to make up for shortcomings and starve for something more. Edd thought about calling Eddy or Megan, but the ornament coaxed his attention. Edd couldn't stop himself.

-

Eddy and Dana made one last circuit around the house to make sure they didn't forget anything precious. The Rav-4 and trailer stood ready in the pre-dawn light. Eddy and Dana wanted to make decent progress up I-5 before every artery around Los Angeles slugged to the pace of congealed gravy.

Dana set the alarm and locked up. She taped the house keys to the clicker before clicking it and sliding it under the closing garage door. Eddy placed an arm around her waist. They paused; reflecting on the house and the life it used to represent. The studio would have it rekeyed within a day or two. Eddy tugged at Dana. "On to something better."

-

Sarah put her head back on her pillow, frustrated. Her nights were restless since the mudslide. It was far easier to imagine her mortality. There was so much she hadn't accomplished. Her life's work would've been for naught. What else did her existence represent? Ed had her whipped in the family department. Her mother was already beside herself with glee on news of Gloria being pregnant again. The fact she nearly lost her dear sweet daughter barely registered.

Jonny's tall firm build and kind hazel eyes glided easily back into her conscience. She had to admit that he turned out handsome. He still seemed to like her. If it wasn't for Plank, that morning might've gone differently. Ripples of arousal stirred through her as she thought of his muscled chest, stomach and arms. She closed her eyes and feathered fingertips along her sides and stomach; slowly winding a luxurious tingling path toward other regions. She imagined his body pressed against her and remembered his smell. She had no trouble imagining alternate outcomes.

-

Edd recoiled from the ornament. "Holy Hell," he shuddered. He tried to fight himself from wondering if Sarah ever did that while thinking of him. Another thought crept up on him. Megan? He couldn't bear to think it. Edd quickly put the ornament down and distracted himself with his ants in order to cleanse his mind. A long time passed before he wondered if it was safe to look again.

-

Players shambled onto the ice after a 9-1 beating by Chicago. Coach Gillmour was livid. Chi-Town Gulls are barely in the standings and Toronto still had their asses handed to them. The guys knew what was coming. The dry erase board in the dressing room usually featured a motivational quote. Today it read, "_No sticks_."

To add even more color to the workout, normally silent loudspeakers over the ice played Christmas carols by Etta James, Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughan. Roy Gillmour looked over his boys as Bill Heinrick placed buckets at the ends of the ice. Kevin regretted his stop at Starbuck's. Caramel macchiato and stomach juices won't be a fun combo coming back up. Jack Yosh lead the charge when Bill's stick came down. Players rocketed toward the ends of the ice while Roy went back to his office. Bill would keep them whipped until at least three guys hurled.

-

"Whatcha' thinking about, Plank? You hardly touched your hashbrowns." Jonny paused for Plank's answer and grimaced. "I don't think so. You saw her reaction. She wants nothing to do with me."

Plank prodded him.

"Sure it was fun. It's always nice to catch up. She was never interested in me, though. Not that I ever did much to charm her. Remember? She used to yell at me almost as much as she screamed at the Eds."

Plank responded.

Jonny shook his head. "Granted, but that was Captain Melonhead. Even then, I had a bigger in with Jimmy than with Sarah."

He got up to clear the plates. "That was then. Frankly, I just don't see it. Let's just enjoy that night for what it was and move on, okay? The universe isn't pushing us together."

-

Megan threaded Cassi's arms through her jacket as the other two daughters also got ready for an outing. Edd and Megan weren't fighting per se, but they were locked in quiet debate. "Is Christmas really the best time for this?"

"How bad could it be? They're only here for a job interview. They'll be gone in a couple of days."

"But, we're not just dealing with them. We're also hosting my parents, Melissa, possibly Miranda, their boyfriends and Ed's family. Let's not forget your mother, which will also involve Lars and Kelsie. It's getting crowded again."

"It won't be too bad. Eddy and Dana are the only ones sleeping over. Everyone else will leave after dinner and presents. We'll have a crowded house for five hours, if even. That's it."

"But you keep adding people! Do you know how much food and work that is? We practically had the entire Saint Lawrence faculty up here last year. You promised we weren't doing that again."

"I'm sorry. I'll stop. Okay?"

"I'd feel better if you'd tell Eddy and Dana to get a hotel room."

"Megan, you know I can't do that."

"Perhaps not, but you could've asked me instead of pulling another 'Honey, by the way' thing."

Edd kept his mouth shut as Megan perched her purse strap on her shoulder and motioned the girls toward the garage.

-

Nazz was very pleased with herself. Her conversation with Eddy led to a devious plan to solve KBAY's staff problems in one sweep. Hold a cattle call and let the cream rise. Whomever makes it, gets the jobs. Impersonal perhaps, but fine as long as someone else could play newsie. Standing around in rain and mud all night was for the birds. She didn't particularly care for the way she smelled after covering a housefire, either.

-

"Ed, what are you doing he--," Sarah was cut off from talking to her nephew as her older brother circled her with crushing arms and lifted her off the floor. "Ed!"

"Baby sister! I heard what happened!" Ed kept swinging Sarah far longer than he should've.

"Aaaagh! Stop it! I'm at work! You're throwing my back out, dammit! Let go!"

"Same old Sarah." Ed chuckled and let her down.

Sarah took a second to catch her breath and thought about smacking him when she realized she had an audience. "Let's take this into the office, shall we?"

Ed and Ed followed her into her office. Sarah rounded on the older Ed. "Why are you here?" Sarah's eyes narrowed. "_And this had better not be about casting me as the Gorgon Queen because I will kill you where you stand_," she hissed.

"It's not," Ed grinned.

"Congrats. You'll walk out of here alive."

"I saw your car on TV. How did you get out of that?"

"There was another driver behind me. He pulled me into his car and we got out right before the rest of the slide came down.

"Do you know his name?"

"I do, but he wants to stay anonymous."

Ed scratched his chin. "What about your car?"

"Insurance is still processing it. I'm carpooling with Amie until I'm back in my own wheels. I'm actually more upset about my purse and Blackberry than I am about the Honda."

"What'd Mom say?"

"Ha! Nothing. She was too busy prattling on about her next grandchild. Congrats by way."

"Sorry, Sarah."

"For what? You know how she is."

"Yeah." Ed reached inside his jacket and produced a Christmas card. "Before I forget, here."

Sarah took the card and opened it. The inside contained a mushy comic of Santa Ed hugging an elfish alien with Sarah's features. The envelope also contained five crisp thousand dollar bills.

"Ed. No." Sarah handed his money back. "The card is weird and nice, but I don't need your money."

"It'll help with a new car."

"No, Ed."

"Sarah…"

"No. I have my own life, my own job and my own money. I don't need yours."

"Same old Sarah, indeed." Ed shook his head and folded the bills into his wallet.

"Why not buy Mom something nice?"

"Because she says the same stuff you do."

-

It took a while for Eddy to settle into the steady hum of the Rav against the occasional clunk of the trailer tongue against the towball. A few hours of hills and farmland streamed past the car en route to Stockton. They agreed to eat and switch drivers there, though they had to stop several times on the way due to Dana's body deciding to spontaneously cleanse. Being stuck in a car with nausea and hot flashes wasn't her idea of a good time.

Eddy talked her out of switching drivers so she could sleep. All he needed was some extra coffee and he could easily make it to Redding. They paused for an hour to eat and stroll along the San Joaquin Delta so Dana could feel better.

-

Marie stretched and worked the kinks out of her back from her lumpy mattress. She fell asleep reading a trashy novel while waiting for Lee to call. Something was up with the Stooges. They moved the boat to a marina on the other side of Venneford Bay and Lee noted quite a bit more activity. Marie would have to try again. She just needed to know when.

The timer clicked off on Marie's automatic coffee maker. She toed across the cold concrete floor to the sink and washed yesterday's mug. Marie lived a very Spartan life. Her credit wasn't good enough for an actual apartment and her income wasn't consistent enough to pay rent. Instead, Marie squatted wherever she could. Presently, 'home' was a small vacant corner office of the Beck Street Studio Lofts. During the day, she worked various tasks as a part-time maintenance worker. At night, she slipped back in to sleep and raid break rooms for food.

On the weekends, the building was a ghost town. Marie didn't hesitate to take advantage. She had another show coming up at Club Neuf, and she still needed to perfect her routine. After coffee and a leftover sandwich, Marie stripped to boxer shorts and a bra. Then she switched on her boombox. Her newest work was set to a sultry remix of De-Phazz's '_Trashbox_.' She got most of the way through her first rehearsal before a loud knocking came from the oak doors.

"Shit."

Marie considered her options. There were no windows or peep hole to see who was on the other side of the door. She desperately hoped it wasn't the building manager, or worse, Venneford Police.

She made a silent dash for her duffel bag and dove into her coveralls and work boots. The combo of her purple lycra bra under denim work clothes was a little strange, but she didn't have time to worry about it. The knocking continued. Marie quickly pushed the mattress out of sight and propped it against a wall. Her other personal things were shoved into the bathroom. She composed herself as best she could and unlocked the doors.

A slender blonde man with blue eyes and a comely smile stood on the other side of the doors.

"May I help you?"

"Certainly, Miss. I run a massage studio just upstairs and your music is a bit loud. Could I ask you to turn it down?"

"I'm sorry." Marie fished for the remote to the boombox and flicked it off. "This place is usually abandoned on Saturdays. My name is Marie, by the way."

"Nice to meet you Marie. I'm Jimmy Keenan. Sorry about the surprise. I don't normally offer weekend hours, but I had to with the holidays and all."

"I see."

Jimmy peered at Marie. "What brings Maintenance in on a weekend?"

"Just working on a plumbing complaint and patching some sheet rock."

"Will this affect my water? I have two hydrotherapy appointments today."

"No. I think you'll be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Just one other question."

"Shoot."

"Have you been in a car accident?"

Marie paused. "I was in a motorcycle wreck a few years ago. Some bozo ran a red light and I had to dump my bike under a mail truck."

"That must've hurt."

"Yeah," Marie sighed. "I loved that bike. Why do you ask?"

"I noticed one of your shoulders is quite a bit higher than the other." Jimmy stepped toward Marie with a business card. "Are you working with anyone now?"

"What? Massage? No. I can't afford any of that."

"I take CANMed, if it's rehab."

"I'm not on supplemental. Sorry."

"Tell you what. Come upstairs at five and I'll set up a table for you. No charge."

"You're kidding me."

"Not at all. It'd be my pleasure."

They said their goodbyes and Marie watched him walk back down the hall toward the elevator before closing her doors and resuming a much quieter rehearsal.

-

The flight to Calgary was uneventful. Most of Kevin's teammates cliqued-off as they usually did and played cards, read, slept, surfed the Web or sat and chatted. In two days, they'd try to salvage some shred of honor against the Cowboys. Then they'd move on to Edmonton and Venneford before ending their junket with games in Anaheim and Colorado. Kevin held his usual seat with Yosh and Farley and they shot the breeze with the Tors' two goalies.

Kevin looked forward to being back in Venneford. An old friend, Parker Darley timed his wedding according to the team's travel schedule. He had great memories of playing hockey together. Parker had a legitimate chance at junior, but his father shot it down. While Kevin and Dean Olson moved on to the WHL, Parker dropped back to house league and worked on getting into a good business school. Those were sad times. He could feel the frustration behind Parker's congratulations when Kevin was selected at the NHL draft. All three should've been there.

-

Eddy kept the Rav moving along I-5 at a good clip. It snowed a few days ago, but Caltrans had the road cleared and dry. Eddy thanked some lucky stars for that.

Dana's stomach finally calmed down. They bought some ginger from a Nugget Market in Sacramento and Dana brewed it in a thermos with hot water. She quietly watched the snowy scenery go by on their climb toward Redding.

"You gonna' do anything about your brother's wedding?"

"Huh? I don't know," Dana looked at Eddy. "We already cancelled."

"Have you called him?"

"I sent him an email. He told me to call when we get to town."

"What about your parents?"

"What about 'em?"

"Thought about kissing and making up with Daddy?"

"You realize that involves leaving you, right?"

"Ergh. You'd think they'd be happier to deal with us with this wedding going on."

"That's cute, but Dad doesn't do the Don Corleone thing. Just because Parker's getting married doesn't mean he gives out favors."

"I wish he did. We could use one."

Eddy tried to cover the uncertainty in his voice, but it bled through. Dana leaned across the seat and snuggled into Eddy's side. "We'll get through this, Baby."

Eddy drove silently for a while. "No regrets?"

"Nah."

-

End of Part Four.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part Five**

Edd propped his elbows on his desk and rubbed his temples. He was nineteen term papers away from wrapping his grades for Astronomy I. Edd split reading papers between grading finals for Astronomy III and IV. When he wasn't working on his own courses, he also promised to look over grant proposals for one of his TAs. Astronomy I was the worst because he had four times the number of students in that class compared to any of his other courses. Out of 130 students, very few were potential Astronomy majors. Most merely took the class to satisfy science requirements. That attitude translated to the majority of double-spaced typewritten miasmas he had to wade through.

Edd was so engrossed in grading, the small arms that circled him gave him a start. He turned to see a rosy-cheeked Calida with Cleo not far behind. The girls were back from errands and he could hear Megan bring shopping bags in from the car.

"Mom took us to Appleton. We went ice skating!"

"Wonderful. How was it?"

"It was so fun!"

"They're surprisingly good on skates," Megan added from the doorway. "They found their balance right away."

"Must be from your side of the family."

"Stop with that. You just never found your sport."

"If telescope positioning ever goes Olympic, let me know."

"So, how's it going?"

Edd sighed. "It's really a crime that so few Freshmen understand critical thinking. If they're not regurgitating verbatim text, they're acting as if this is a creative writing class."

"Poor baby." Megan started rubbing his shoulders. "That's one nice thing about Applied Physics. It's all math."

Edd closed his eyes and leaned back into his wife's touch. The back of his head nested into her breasts. Megan kissed the top of his head. "Did you get a hold of Eddy?"

"No. I've been busy with this."

"Tsk." Megan flicked his ear and pulled away. It was a very sharp contrast to the loving warmth he received just seconds before. "Make sure you do."

"Megan," he appealed. "It's going to be fine."

"I know where this is going. Promise me you won't let him take advantage of you."

"_Yes, ma'am_."

Megan shook her head and returned to the shopping bags in the kitchen.

-

Marie slumped onto her mattress after a solid several hours of rehearsing and reworking parts of her routine. Jimmy's offer stuck in the back of her mind. She wondered about it; mainly what the catch was. Her cell phone rang. It was Lee.

"It's about damned time! You had me waitin' all night. I could've hit the club."

"_Sorry, Toots. I got tied up with something_."

"So, what's up?"

"_381 intercepted some AKs last night, but nothing too huge. Nothing was pinnable, but our boys have been spending longer and longer away from the boat and Meskasenko left the area right before 381 moved in. I'm guessing you'll find a lot more on that boat than fish eggs. You might have a good chance tonight_."

"Except it's going to rain."

"_You're joking_."

"You know I can't do this shit in the rain."

Lee exhaled, irritated.

"Let's give it another night. I'm gettin' a massage anyway."

"_Wait? What_?"

"I'll tell ya' later. I gotta' go."

Marie hung up and turned her phone off. Normally, she timed her bathing so that she could sneak into the massage studio and use Jimmy's shower. Obviously she couldn't do that this weekend. She shed her clothes, washed her hair and bathed quickly at the janitor station down the hall. She didn't have to worry about being seen unless Jimmy came back downstairs.

Marie fished some panties from her duffel bag and pulled them over her legs. She still felt hesitation about going upstairs. "Nothing is truly free," she thought.

She cinched a bra around her breasts and pulled a t-shirt on. Either he was trying to rope her into something expensive, or he wanted her on the table for sleazier reasons.

Socks were next. Then jeans. He was attractive enough. Marie reasoned that if things came to that, it wouldn't be too horrible. He wouldn't be hard to fight off, either.

"Just in case." She searched her bag for her contraceptive sponges. Then she moistened one in the bathroom, dropped trou and pushed it into place.

She still disliked men, but she wouldn't hesitate to use this to her advantage.

Marie combed her still-wet hair while looking for her shoes. For the rare occasion someone decided to check the building, Marie gathered her things into the bathroom and propped her mattress back up against the wall before she struck the lights and locked up.

-

Sarah slid into the firm driver's seat of her new Impreza and found the ignition. The engine skipped to life and the dashboard glowed at her as she pondered seeing Jonny. What would she say? She couldn't see it as being more than a simple case of timing. Other than growing up in the Cul-de-sac, they had nothing in common. Even knowing that, she couldn't keep him out of her head. It was all so strange. He didn't try to call her. Obviously, he wasn't interested in her. Sarah couldn't convince herself, though. She had to see him. Tomorrow.

-

Kevin took the second shuttle from the hotel to the Saddledome. The majority of guys were there wrapping sticks, working out, getting rubdowns or visiting with each other. Kevin felt great and he looked forward to the game until he saw his uniform wasn't hanging at his stall. "Ah, shit." Coach Gillmour put him on the scratch list. He'd spend the game in the Press Box.

"Sorry, man." Jack Yosh came up behind him. "Coach wants to roll Baby." Kevin slid his hands into his pockets. "It's all good. The kid has to earn his plane tickets, right?"

It wasn't 'all good,' but Kevin kept his thoughts to himself. His mother would be there for nothing.

Keith Babiyak came up behind Kevin. The rookie defenseman had been called up from the Tor's AHL affiliate four times since last season's playoff run, but he hadn't seen any game time until Calgary. "Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any words of wisdom for me?"

"Just keep your stick down and your head up."

-

Etchings of swirled ferns adorned the frosted glass on either side of the massage studio doors. Of all the offices in the building, Jimmy's was one of the fanciest. A receptionist sat behind a maple desk when Marie opened the door. She looked as if she was getting ready to leave, but took the extra time to offer Marie water or tea and get a client record started.

She could hear Jimmy talking to a client in the background. He gave her instructions on exercises to make her back feel better. The client sounded as if she was in good spirits. She thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas before passing through another exit.

Ten or fifteen minutes passed before Jimmy came out to the lobby. His receptionist finished entering Marie's information into the computer before shutting it off and locking her desk. Jimmy locked up after she left and showed Marie back to his table. His massage studio was plushly decorated with neutral tones and swashes of blue. Soft lighting diffused through the room. A faint clean rain smell came in from somewhere. There wasn't a hard edge anywhere to be seen.

"I'll step out so you can disrobe and get between the sheets. Let me know when you're ready."

Marie kept her panties on, but shed everything else into a butterfly chair at the end of the room. She nestled supine into the sheets and felt heat coming from the table. She called Jimmy and he glided in silently and fixed her drape. He then slid a bolster under her knees and dropped a bottle of warmed lotion into a holster behind him. "If I do something that's painful or makes you uncomfortable, let me know." Marie nodded.

The heat from the table was enough to make her sleepy. It didn't take long for Jimmy's hands to lull her into a hypnotic state. With clean dry hands, Jimmy started at her face, scalp and neck. He introduced the lotion into his touch when he progressed to her clavicles and shoulders. Arms were greeted with stretches, movement and massage. Jimmy paid extra attention to her hands and wrists before moving to her thighs, calves and feet. Jimmy's work seemed to heat the whole room. He kept his draping tight and secure. Marie never felt a draft.

Once he was satisfied with his progress on Marie's anterior side, he had her turn over. The table's heat radiated from her back to his fingers. Jimmy spread lotion with light effleurage while assessing her injuries. Her body was a ledger of the hard life she lived. Surgery scars from her motorcycle accident marred her back and shoulder with thick tracks of keloid scar tissue. There were other scars which couldn't be attributed to the same accident. She had been branded with something hot, like a fireplace poker. A stab wound featured prominently. Someone just missed a kidney. She had also been cut numerous times.

Jimmy's soul ached with sorrow. It all could've gone so much differently. If only he'd figured things out sooner. A silent prayer floated though his mind as he set his hands to restorative work. If he could do anything for Marie, he must do all he can.

-

"I think we've finally put together a selection you'll like," Royce Rowland motioned Ed into his posh office. Ed arranged himself on Royce's leather sofa while Royce handed him a glass of scotch and unveiled his tackboard. Pinned to the board were fifty headshots of actresses being considered to play the Gorgon Queen. "I pulled three casting pools together for this one, Ed. These girls are all hungry, they're all available long term and they all contract under a million-five."

Ed peered at the headshots and narrowed his eyes. "They're all local?"

Rowland blinked, "Ehm, some of them."

"Hmm."

Ed didn't look as pleased as Royce expected. He sat motionless for a number of minutes, looking over each picture. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. It was a bad sign. "Royce, I don't know. I just can't see her."

"Are there any that are _close_? You could point them out and we could try again."

"Yeah, maybe." Ed got up from the sofa and walked over to the tackboard. He appraised each headshot more closely and removed ones he found unacceptable. More and more pictures came down. Royce removed his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose while Ed pillaged the board. The search for the right Gorgon Queen had been going on for almost three months. Ed was impossible to satisfy.

"There. I think this'll give you a better idea."

Royce put his glasses back on and stared at the picked-clean tackboard. All of his meticulously-chosen headshots lay discarded in a nearby chair. He could feel a headache coming on.

"Ed, you've really got me hogtied with this. If I could pool L.A. and New York, I could get you the perfect girl in under two hours."

"C'mon Royce. That's not what we're about. Why are you so hot to import talent? We have a great pool right in Vancouver. It's Hollywood North, for God's sake. Ruazi is local. Darrow is local…"

"Darrow was a fluke."

"So was Harrison Ford. 'Star Wars' wouldn't be the same movie without him. 'Aliens' wouldn't be the same movie without Sigourney Weaver. We like flukes. Flukes work harder. Flukes have better attitudes and better stories. Work with me Royce. Find me a fluke."

Ed zipped up his jacket and glance around to see if he'd forgotten anything. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expected somewhere."

"Of course. Thanks for stopping by."

"Anytime."

Royce looked back at the headshots piled in the chair, shook his head and gulped down the scotch Ed never touched. He held his tongue until the elevator door slid shut in the hallway.

"This is the last whack-job sci-fi I'm ever taking on."

-

Edd logged into his computer and looked over his email before going into the St. Lawrence admin portal to enter final Astronomy grades. He thought about trying to email Eddy. He couldn't revoke his invitation, but he could prime his friend to make sure he and Dana don't upset Megan. He couldn't understand why Megan was so uptight about Eddy. Granted, Eddy had a history, but Eddward was an adult. He could handle him. Where was her faith in her husband?

A shot of cold jangled through his nerves when another thought came to him. Memories flashed of more private times with Eddy. They'd been quiet all these years. Did she know?

-

Aside from a few odd twinges of pain, Marie spent much of her massage in another world. Jimmy's trigger point work brought her back around. Marie moaned and looked up from the face cradle. "Welcome back," Jimmy smiled. "Are you still okay?"

"Mhhmhm," She breathed.

"You have a lot going on back here. Definitely more than I can do in one session. Hopefully, I released your shoulder a little. Your tissue is a lot softer, now."

"I have never felt like this, ever."

"Addictive, huh?" Jimmy replaced the draping over her back and ended with some compression on her shoulders and back.

"Delicious."

"Make sure you drink extra water after this. Your body will want to flush some toxins out."

Jimmy stepped away from the table and began to back out of the room. "Our session is over, so I'm going to let you dress. See you in a few minutes."

'_Wow_,' Marie thought. '_Nothing_.' She fully expected him to make a move on her, especially when he locked up after the receptionist. She stretched and rotated her shoulder. It moved in ways it hadn't moved in a few years. She checked herself in a nearby mirror. Her shoulders looked almost even. More importantly to Marie; her breasts hung more evenly, too. She admired things for a moment before packing them back into her bra and redressing.

She met Jimmy in the hallway just outside the room. His hands were still moist from being washed. He presented her with a chilled designer bottled water and a selection of teas she could take with her. "Ah, fantastic," Jimmy sang. "Your shoulder is down a good two inches at least. And no ventral drag in the thorax, either. Very good."

"It feels great."

"It should. I don't get to do two hour sessions very often."

"Two hours! I had no idea. It only felt like a forty minutes."

"Heh, I didn't mean to keep you so late. Sometimes I get fascinated with things."

Marie studied him for a moment. "So, what prompted all this?"

"Ehm, no real reason. You were kind enough to bring your stereo down. I thought I'd do you a favor."

"A two hour massage is a pretty big favor. What's the other reason?"

Jimmy paused. "I've seen you around and I'd like to bring you on as a client."

"Are you sure? Even after I said I couldn't pay?"

"Yes."

Marie's eyes narrowed slightly. "Why?"

Jimmy hesitated. "Because I know who you are and I know you've been coming in here at night."

"What? Is this some elaborate prelude to callin' the cops?"

"Of course not. But I would like to help."

"Look, I'm not a charity case."

"I know that."

"So, why then?"

"Because you are my sister."

"What the hell..?"

"It took me forever to figure it out, but my father is Rick Keenan. Your mother knew him as Bubba Keenan when he played baseball."

Wheels turned in Marie's head for a bit. She knew Rick had family he recognized. Her mother spent years fighting in court for child support which was either rewarded and appealed or flatly denied. Rick always had the advantage.

"Oh, okay," Marie drawled. "So, this is guilt."

"That's hardly..."

"Baloney. You're reaching out to me to ease your conscience. I know who you are, too. You grew up on money we we're supposed to get. So, while you guys sat down to cake and filet mignon on Sunday nights, we had knock-off Kraft dinner and that's if it was on sale. You may 'know' me, but honey, you know nothing. You'll never know. You want to know why? Because you have all this," Marie gestured at Jimmy's lush office. "You've always had all this. Our mom worked three jobs scraping together enough money to get us by and did anyone care? Did anyone help? Hell no! You want to make up for that? Go back in time and set us up with a lawyer and a judge who gives a shit."

Marie turned to walk out.

Jimmy stepped after her, "Marie."

"Don't bother," Marie hissed. "I don't need your help. I don't need you. I'm doing just fine, alright? You just stay in your little world and I'll go back to mine."

Marie set the teas and bottled water down on her way out. "Thanks for the massage."

-

"Eddward?"

A knock came at the door.

"Eddward."

Edd recognized his mother's voice and looked around. He was sprawled on his bed again. The ornament lay at his side.

"Eddward, if you don't answer, I'll have to open the door."

Edd sat up on his bed and rubbed his eyes. His face felt oily. His wrinkled shirt and shorts looked and smelled as if he'd worn them beyond a day.

Edd's door cracked open and his mother peered into his room. "Eddward, what's the matter with you?"

Edd's bleary eyes focused on his Mother and he tried to form a response. "Mother?"

"Have you answered the phone at all today? There are eight messages in voice mail and five of them are from the paper. No one on your route has any of their newspapers. The Living Room still hasn't been dusted and I can't see that you've done anything in the yard. Have you even left your room? Are you sick? What's going on?"

"Oh my."

"Eddward, I'm growing increasingly concerned with your irresponsibility lately. I'm afraid your father and I will have to take more drastic measures if you can't straighten up."

Charlotte turned on her heels to leave the room. "I suggest you take this time to clean yourself up and call the paper. I imagine your position is cancelled after today. See you downstairs."

Edd's door closed. He remained on his bed in shock. "What am I becoming?"

End of Part Five.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Taste of Eds to Come, Part Six**

Edd called the paper in hope of some sort of damage control. His mother was right. His paper route was reassigned to someone else. Edd lost his job. He cried silently. Burning tears scorched his eyes and cheeks as he showered. He'd never felt so ashamed and the day wasn't over. He still had face his parents.

He fished his mind for a rational-sounding explanation. Fatigue. Malaise. Distraction. Overextending himself. Eddy. Whatever didn't involve mentioning the ornament. His father had a way of using his words against him if he didn't choose them carefully. The last thing Edd wanted to do was appear crazy or escalate any punishment his parents dished out.

His mind wandered to Eddy. Neither he, nor Ed, tried to contact him in a few days. Edd estimated that this was the longest span of time they'd gone without speaking. He wondered what they were up to. Edd resolved to see his friends before the day was over. If not, it might be a while before he has another chance.

Edd buried his face in a fluffy towel before drying his hair. The hint of jasmine from his mother's linen mist made him think of Megan. This was the longest he'd gone without contact with her, as well. A shot of fear ran through him. What if she wants to break up?

He dried off and dressed quickly. Making up missed chores was the farthest from his mind as he came down the stairs. His mother hadn't forgotten, however. She cornered him just before he could step through the front door. "I believe the shed is where you want to go."

"Mother please! I can't!"

"That word does not exist in this house, Eddward. Especially with the way you've been acting. Your top priority is the lawn. I suggest you get to it before your father gets home. You're in enough hot water as it is."

Edd's gaze dropped to the floor. "Yes, Mother." Megan's curfew would kick in before he finished the grass. Why couldn't his mother have an ER shift tonight? She'd already be in bed and he could focus on mending relationships.

Eddward walked a much slower pace through the screen door. He could definitely file today under 'failed.'

-

Edd wrestled the push mower from its appointed spot and rattled it out into the orange afternoon sunlight. The Cul-de-sac was mostly quiet aside from faint strains of music emanating from Kevin's home. Nazz's laughter occasionally bubbled through an open window. Ed and Eddy were nowhere to be seen.

"Ha ha ha! See Plank!? I told ya' he was still alive!"

Jonny attempted to drop from a high tree limb, but he wound up dangling with his head caught in a forked branch.

"Jonny!" Edd dropped the mower handle in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Eddy said you were hiding in your room like a troll. Plank said we should check it out."

"How long have you been in our tree?"

"Who knows?" Jonny laughed some more. "Spying's fun, huh Plank?"

"Ehm… May I help you get down?"

"Nope! Check this out!" Jonny swung himself against the branch until he snagged his heels against the base and cantilevered his head out of the fork. He bounced from that branch to another one; using it as a springboard to leap to the ground with a sommersault.

"We learned a new technique!"

"Very good, Jonny!" Edd clapped.

"No more dish soap for us, huh, Double-D?"

"I suppose not. So, is this personal or are you here on Urban Ranger business?"

"Nope. It's just me and Plank."

"Well, I wish I could treat you as proper guests, but I'm actually in trouble. I need to mow the lawn immediately or my punishment will escalate."

"You? In trouble!?" Jonny laughed as it that was the funniest thing he'd heard all day. "How does that happen?"

"It's a long confusing story, Jonny."

"Plank says keep it to yourself, Double-D. We've already experienced one of your stories," Jonny laughed again.

"Yes, well…" Edd face grew hot with embarrassment.

"Oh, c'mon! We're just kidding. He's not that mean! Do you want some help with the grass?"

"I can't Jonny. Mother wouldn't approve."

"Nonsense. If the work gets done, who cares who does it? Besides, we can think of some people who _really_ miss you!"

"Really?" Edd brightened up. "Like whom?"

Jonny put his hand up. "A Ranger never tells, Double-D."

Edd opened his mouth to ask something else, but Jonny turned and ran from him. He scrambled up the fence before Edd could get a word out.

"Jonny! Wait! Where are you going!?"

"A Ranger never tells, Double-D!" Jonny laughed and disappeared behind the fence.

"Strange," Edd sighed.

-

Edd returned his attention to the push mower. He barely had one path of grass cut along the fence before he noticed Rolf's long feet walking alongside him.

"Greetings Head-in-Sock Ed-Boy!"

"Rolf!"

"The very same!" The Urban Rangers assembled themselves beside Rolf. "Urban Ranger Jonny told us of your troubles." Jonny and Plank sported new 'Nosey Parker Neighbor' badges on their vests. "We have come to ease your toil!"

"Rolf! I'm touched."

"No touching, Double-D Ed-boy. Work." Rolf turned to the saluting Rangers. "Urban Rangers! Yard Rehabilitation Pattern 161! COMMENCE!"

Jonny and Jimmy split into different directions. Jimmy toward the shed and Jonny toward the push mower. Rolf stepped in front of him. "None of these baby toys, Jonny. Rolf will perform this task with the tool of a man! You may trim the hedges."

Jonny saluted. "Sir! Yes sir!"

Rolf turned to Edd. "Return to your place in the Cul-de-sac, Double-D Ed-Boy. Return the normalcy which once was!"

"Normalcy?"

"Why must you answer Rolf with questions? Go! Restore Rolf's chickens!"

Edd felt odd about being bustled from his own yard, but was grateful for the chance to get away.

-

"Cluck-cluck-cluck! Bon voyage, Newlyweds!"

Ed, dressed in makeshift vestments, pushed a soapbox cart filled with chickens down the hill toward the candy store. Most of them flew out before the cart made much progress.

"Ed! What in the world?!"

"Hi Double-D!" Ed threw his arms around Edd and squeezed the breath from him. "Just in time to toss the rice!"

"Ed! You're wasting food and making a tremendous mess!"

"I married the chickens, Double-D! All the happy couples are going on their honeymoon!"

Ed began loading a red wagon with more chickens. Edd had to think fast.

"Ed! Stop! Don't you think the chickens would rather vacation close to family? This is all very sudden. Think of all the poor friends and relatives who never got to bid them well."

Ed thought for a long time. His face lit up several times, but he sank back into hard thought. Finally, a doorbell rang somewhere. "A reception for the chickens!"

"That's the spirit, Ed! I know just the place to have it."

Edd began helping Ed gather chickens. He tried to think of a way to trick Ed into holding the reception in the chicken coop so the chickens would be back where they belong. He only had seconds to think before Sarah's voice rattled the air.

"NOBODY WANTS YOUR STUPID SOCKS, EDDY! GET LOST!"

Eddy chased after Sarah with a pail filled with an assortment of sweatsocks. He looked bedraggled and half-crazed.

"Dolly sleeping bags, Sarah! Only twenty-five cents!" Eddy pulled her prized doll from his back pocket. "Look at that face! How can you deprive sweet Polly Poo-Poo?!"

"AAAGH!! My dolly has Ed germs!"

"She has my eyes, too!"

"Oh my gosh, you're CREEPY! Just go away!"

"I will for some palimony."

"Deal!" Sarah punched him in an already-bruised eye. "Now leave! AND GIMME MY DOLLY!"

"I love you!"

"AAAAAUGH!!" Sarah ran all the way home with Eddy skipping right behind her. "Wait! Sarah! You forgot your change!"

Sarah screamed again before slamming and locking her door. Eddy planted himself on the Duggan's front porch and rang their doorbell endlessly. An upstairs window flew open. "TAKE A HIKE OR I'M CALLIN' THE COPS!"

"CALL 'EM! I have custody rights, remember?"

Sarah stiffened and fainted from the window.

Edd stood in utter shock. "Eddy and Sarah?"

"Yeah," Eddy chuckled. "Ain't it great?"

"I'm not sure…"

"I haven't had this much fun since Kevin was grounded!"

"I imagine that sort of fun comes with just as much trouble."

"Nah. Burrhead found his parents' wedding book this afternoon and went crazy. He's marrying anything that moves. His mom thinks it's funny."

"Hence no threat of parental intervention. Interesting."

Eddy put the pail down and switched gears. "So, ya' done playing Mole Boy? 'Cuz if you are, we could get a scam in before dinner."

"I'm actually out here for other reasons, Eddy. It seems the Rangers want me to restore Rolf's chickens. I also have Megan's curfew to consider.

Eddy clicked his tongue and shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day you put a girl ahead of your own pals."

"Why? You put Dana ahead of us whenever you're around her."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How exactly? Is it the fact she only likes you when she can use you for something?"

"Oh, okay," Eddy scowled. "Since we're going below the belt; how is it you've been with Megan for almost a year and you haven't even made it to first base?"

Edd grew flustered for a second before recovering. "Oh, and you have?"

"This isn't about me, it's about you."

Edd crossed his arms. "Respect, Eddy. I respect Megan."

Eddy burst into uncontrollable laughter. "That's the oldest excuse in the book! Respect!? Oh my God! Stop! You're giving me a cramp!"

Edd soured. "Well, I suppose this conversation is adjourned."

Eddy kept laughing as Ed came up behind them with Wilfred.

"We are gathered here today to join together Double-D and Wilfred in holy matrimony."

"Ed no! Wait! You can't do that!"

Eddy laughed even harder. "Maybe Wilfred will let you get to second!"

"Gah," Edd gasped in horror and began backing away. He only got a few steps before colliding with his mother, who grabbed his arm very firmly. Eddy stopped laughing and froze.

Charlotte regarded them with a frosty gaze. "May I please borrow him?"

"Sure, Dr. K-k-k-K," Eddy stammered. "Do whatever y-you want."

"Come with me." Charlotte stiffly pushed Edd in front of her as she directed him back to the house.

-

Eddward couldn't remember a time he'd seen his mother as angry as she was. If the way she gripped his arm was any indication, he was really in for it. Charlotte pushed him through the front door and directed him straight to the backyard.

"Would you care to explain this?"

Edd could see that Yard Rehabilitation Pattern 161 involved tilling the entire backyard. There was not a blade of grass or other hint from the previous landscaping to be seen.

"You don't want to mow the lawn, so you destroy the entire yard?"

"Mother! Honestly I…"

"QUIET. Those flowerbeds were irreplaceable! Mom and Dad grew those roses from Queen Elizabeth's own stock! Do you have any idea of the dance they had to do to bring them into Canada!? Now they're MULCH! What were you thinking!? How am I going to explain this to my parents?"

"Mother…"

"I said QUIET! I am shocked that I would EVER see this kind of behavior from you! Shocked! You are confined to your room until your father comes to get you."

"Mother, I…"

"ZIP IT. Upstairs, NOW."

Edd hung his head and took the long slow climb to his room. He'd never seen his mother so angry. He felt so helpless. He buried his face in his pillow, but his tear ducts only burned. He blamed himself for putting his own needs ahead of his mother. Letting Rolf take over his chores was pure selfishness.

He felt something cool against his thigh. The ornament was still on the bed where he left it. He almost blamed the ornament for all his troubles, but he decided that was irrational. He cradled the ornament in his hands and lifted it into the waning sunlight streaming in from his window. The faceted glass sprayed his walls with brilliance and hope. Eddward got up from his bed and locked his bedroom door. It would've been a travesty not to peek.

-

End of Part Six.


End file.
